Ten ways to make your editor cry ... and ten tips for how to avoid it

Let’s face it, we all have unkind thoughts from time to time. We just don’t express them, especially in ways that make people cry.

The good new is, editors don’t cry ... much.

They don’t have time. And they’re resilient. And they’ve heard it all before.

But if they cried whenever a cry-worthy thing happened to them, they’d be crying half the day.

Here’s how to make your editor cry (if they had time).

Here is also how to make the path smoother for your editor as they grapple with the process of turning your story into the best book possible.

The following ten tips for making your editor cry are in no particular order, aside from the fact they go from bad to worst.

Editors have different sensitivities. What makes one editor cry might make another laugh hysterically, eat cake, take up smoking, or go back to practicing law.

So here goes . . .

1. Tell your editor how much you love your story.

Yikes! This is tricky for editors to deal with.

Mainly because editors are good-hearted people and they know how precious your story is to you – and that they are going to have to tell you that your beloved story will have to change. Possibly a lot.

Which kind of suggests they don’t love it they way you do.

The thing is, your feelings about your story have little impact on its success in the hurly burly of publishing.

Furthermore, no one in the publishing house is interested in your opinion about your story.

They are more interested in their own opinion, as this is what they will base their publishing decision on.

INSTEAD: don’t mention your feelings about your story. Adopt a position of humility and grace, and await their response.

2. Tell your editor how much your family and friends love your story.

Ditto the above.

PLUS: your friends and family are not going to tell you your story sucks. They love you and will encourage you and tell you it’s great.

Or that it’s a ‘great improvement’.

If your friend or family member is an in-house editor, spare them the embarrassment and don’t show it to them at all.

Conversely, listen to every word they say and follow those words to the letter. If you don’t, any number of awkwardness may follow.

INSTEAD: don’t mention your friends’ and family’s feelings about your story. Your friends and family are not the publishing house’s target readership, and most likely don’t add up to the number of ‘likes’ a publisher needs to finance the production of a book.

3. Tell your editor how much you love your post-edit rewrite and that you’re ‘nearly there’.

Chances are you are not nearly there.

Chances are your reworked text will need another intense edit, and then another.

INSTEAD: see point 1 above.

4. Tell your editor your text has already been professionally edited and is ready to go.

This approach is more likely to trigger a painful eye-roll than tears (though painful eye-rolls have been known to make the eyes water).

A publishing house has its own ideas about when a story is ready to be published, so best not to instruct them about such matters.

By all means, have your story professionally edited before submitting it to a publishing house. This will make it far more appealing to the acquisitions team.

But be aware that the publisher is most likely to request significant further changes.

It is supremely rare for a text to be ‘ready to go’ upon first hitting an editor’s desk.

INSTEAD: see points 1 to 3 above.

5. On an editorial call, explain at length what your story means.

Very simply, if your story needs to be explained, it isn’t working.

A story needs to work on the page without you there to help it along.

If your story is working as a publishable story – which means going out into the world without your running commentary – you should not have to clarify anything at all.

INSTEAD: adopt the humble and gracious approach mentioned earlier, wonder aloud to your editor whether you’ve achieved your purpose yet, and then listen to and follow all suggestions and advice.

To the letter.

6. Send updated or tweaked versions of your text while awaiting a response or edit.

Dear good child, do you realise what happens when the wind changes mid-eyeroll? Do you mean to give your editor a permanent injury?

Please don’t do this.

Just don’t.

Why? Because there is a likelihood that a) the editor has already presented it to acquisitions in its original state; b) the editor has already spent hours bending their brain around editing your original version and will have to start again (please note that editors are working on dozens of books at any given time, not just yours); c) the editor is not going to notice a misplaced comma or a revised adjective when your entire story needs restructuring.

INSTEAD: stop obsessing and work on something else while you wait for feedback.

7. Send an updated version of your text after your final draft has finally been accepted and been sent to the typesetter.

See above.

Furthermore, perhaps the newer version will not be accepted ... which could be embarrassing and lead to a change of mind on the part of the publishing team.

INSTEAD: be really happy your manuscript has been accepted.

8. Tell your editor they made a big mistake the day they rejected your manuscript.

It is possibly true that the editor made a big mistake. (For example, we all know that several major publishers rejected Harry Potter before Bloomsbury picked it up.)

But wait until your book has sold in the tens of thousands and won multiple awards before doing the nyah-nyah thing.

Though by this time the editor in question will already have realised their mistake and won’t need reminding.

INSTEAD: just don’t do it. Rather, be really happy for yourself and keep working with the publisher who did publish you.

And be nice to the editor who rejected you, because there is a 100% chance they will one day work in a publishing house that acquires a future book from you, and you’ll be working closely with them. Musical chairs is a thing in publishing.

9. Tell your editor they don’t know what they’re talking about.

This is a good one.

You might think no one says this terribly rude and shocking thing ... but oh my, they so do.

Granted, it is possible your editor is not an expert in metallurgy, and that your expertise in this field must be appreciated.

However, editors sometimes are experts in fields other than editing.

I have managed children’s book editors who hold Masters degrees in archaeology, audiology, criminal law, Arabic and classical Latin; who are journalists, footballers, ballet dancers, teachers and horticulturists.

And one who had previously edited ‘explicit material’ for a romance imprint.

So don’t underestimate your bespectacled and apparently meek editor.

Editors are hugely brainy.

INSTEAD: Treat your editor and their expertise with respect.

10. Tell your editor they are too young to have had relevant life experience.

Good heavens, Miss Bevans. Really? Yes really.

But really … no reputable publishing-house will hire an editor who doesn’t know what they are doing. The competition to get editing jobs is fierce, which means publishing houses have the pick of the crop.

Furthermore, publishing houses don’t hire only octogenarians as editors, so at some stage you are bound to be working with someone who is younger than you.

True, they may not know what it feels like to be as old as you are, but you don’t know what their life experience has been.

INSTEAD: be grovelingly grateful that a super-brainy person is going to read your book more closely and reverently than any other person on the planet ever will, ever.

Probably even more closely than you yourself have read it.

11. Bonus for children’s authors: tell your editor they obviously don’t have children of their own.

Holy f**k. But yes, really.

I’m sure no one needs to learn an alternative course of action.

Except. Just. Don’t.

CAVEAT FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALREADY HUGELY SUCCESSFUL AND FAMOUS:

Go ahead and make your editor cry.

Except, maybe, actually, just don’t.

ONE WAY TO MAKE YOUR EDITOR SMILE:

Be nice

Be thankful

Welcome your editor’s expertise and insight